My comments about sex workers and coming out included on the Savage Lovecast

by Furry Girl

10.10.11

Last month, Dan Savage's podcast (episode 255) featured local dominatrix Mistress Matisse, who had been his go-to guest for all things kink and sex work related.

In the podcast, one caller wanted to tell her parents that she is planning to become a dominatrix, and was curious how to have that conversation.  Matisse was happy to declare she's never told her parents about her own work, and had a huge dismissive laugh at the caller's silly interest in honesty, and sadly, Dan joined in.  It bummed me out that those two, of all people, think the idea of being open about being a sex worker is ludicrous.

I called in to leave comments in favor of being out as a sex worker - citing both personal and political reasons to do so - which I am happy to say were included at the end of episode 258.  (Direct link to download here, I start ranting in my squeaky little voice at 46:53.)  Unlike Matisse's answer, which was simply to mock the caller and dodge the question, I also suggested that the caller look for a local sex workers' rights group to get involved with a community and network with others in the business, and plugged the SWAAY directory.

I'm glad that Dan decided to include my call in podcast 258, and I hope the original caller heard my advice.  And Dan, if you ever want a sex worker guest for your podcast who can field questions without laughing at callers or making fun of sex workers who can't afford their own incall, you know where to find me.  I might lack Matisse's decades of experience, but I also lack her none-too-subtle contempt for both sex workers' rights issues and non-upperclass sex workers.





3 Comments »

  1. Well said :).

    Comment by Marijke — October 11, 2011 @ 2:52 pm

  2. Ah, I'm late to the party, but thanks! I recently came out to my mother as a pro-Domme, and you know what? She still loves me. She's proud of my ability to find a niche for myself, and to do what I love to pay for my life, regardless of how it's viewed. Granted, my mother is amazing, but still. And also- wtf is with shaming other sex workers? I thought we were all in this together...

    Comment by Ms.Lily — October 30, 2011 @ 7:40 am

  3. I'm a big advocate of being out. (Which isn't to say that I think all sex workers should come out to everyone they encounter, but that overall, more people should live more openly.) I think it would surprise a lot of sex workers how many people in their life actually don't mind if you're a sex worker. I've definitely had a few people react badly, but overall, it wasn't some unending nightmare of being ostracized and hated.

    Comment by Furry Girl — November 8, 2011 @ 3:04 pm

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