17 Comments

1. RachaelBenedict* once made a list of all the professions that fell under what she called "the pleasure trades."

   Do you think that giving sexbloggers an alternative term like the above on which to hang their collective hats would help?

   *http://rachaelbenedict.com/ is her site but the post is question is currently offline

   Comment by aagblog — May 27, 2011 @ 2:08 pm

2. Here's my stock answer on the sex blogger thing:

   I have been repeatedly asked what sex bloggers should or could call themselves if *not* "sex workers." I don't understand why there's a need for additional terminology in this situation. Why not identify as a "sex blogger"? It's not a bad thing to be a sex blogger, it's just not "sex work."

   There's a larger sex industry, of which sex workers are a part - and of which sex bloggers, strip club owners, porn store clerks, writers, etc are also a part.  Sabrina Morgan uses the term "sexuality professional" as her umbrella term for everyone.

   I personally wouldn't want to rally around the term "pleasure trades," because it's erasing of unhappy sex workers and those who doesn't associate "pleasure" as the defining description of their jobs. Someone who's doing sex work out of desperation probably wouldn't call themselves a "pleasure tradeswoman", nor would some disinterested cashier as a porn store. "Pleasure" speaks too much to intent/outcome/state-of-mind, whereas "sex industry" is a term that accurately and non-emotionally covers everyone from escorts to porn photographers to erotica writers.

   Comment by Furry Girl — May 27, 2011 @ 2:26 pm

3. This was a terrific post. Thank you. I found you via twitter. (Can't remember whose tweet.)

   I'm not a sex worker, and I don't ID as one. I write erotica and sometimes refer to myself as a smut-slinger or porn-writer or whatnot. (I don't blog about sex; I write erotica as an important part of my paid freelancing work.) This is partly because I have found that some feminists lump pornographers, sex-workers, etc., together when they're saying how we/you/they are promoting rape by what we're doing, etc.

   When I say that I disagree and tell them that they are including me in their "brainwashed women" rant, pointing to my erotica writing, they do the, "Oh, but we weren't talking about you" thing and give me this definition of erotica that supposedly makes it different from porn (and therefore OK). I always find these attempts to differentiate porn from erotica to be tedious and nonsensical.

   Then I have to tell them that, no, because I write about S/M or women enjoying being submissive or enjoying pain in a sexual context, etc., that I'm still considered a tool of the patriarchy. Then they don't respond anymore.

   In addition to listening to sex workers (always a good idea to listen to people!), what is your opinion about how people like me can be better allies to sex workers when this whole "but you're different" thing comes up -- i.e., not taking on an identity/oppression I don't face (sex-worker) yet still arguing against this crap?

   Comment by Sharon Wachsler — May 27, 2011 @ 2:29 pm

4. I agree. Writing about sex work (ie: sex blogging), or sex and doing sex work is totally different. As is selling sex toys or writing sex toy reviews. Having done all of the above, I have no problem with the term sex blogger, or sex worker and agree that both terms accurately describe each. "Pleasure" is kind of off-putting. What is wrong with the word sex? It is a verb, and what we do when we get it on (paid or unpaid). I think the term "pleasure" is trying to make sex more "politically correct" for the right wing anti-sex league who no doubt use people in the "pleasure trades" discretely and would like to believe it is "pleasure" for everyone, so they don't have to feel guilty about it, or try to understand or empathize with sex worker's issues, rights or freedoms.

   There's nothing wrong with the word sex blogger, or sex working IMHO. I hate sugar coating things so conservatives can swallow it a bit easier. And, Furry Girl, Yes! Sex blogging is definitely NOT sex work.

   PS- Do you ever do interviews on here? My friend Susan Davis in Vancouver is trying to get sex work legalized in Canada.
   http://www.wccsip.ca/whoWeAre.html

   Comment by DominaDoll — May 27, 2011 @ 2:47 pm

5. Sharon: I think it's entirely possible for people maintain distinctions between sex work and sex writing and still express support of one another. Don't play into it when people want to set up a hierarchy of acceptability. Sadly, you still see plenty of this behavior from different types of sex workers. A stripper might declare, "At least I don't do porn!", a porn star may huff, "At least I'm not some kind fo hooker!", and so on. It's sad. All I can suggest is to keep arguing against the moralizers and crazies when you have the time. It's a tedious slog, but hopefully, you'll change some minds eventually.

   DominaDoll: I haven't done any interviews on my blog, but I have thought about doing so eventually. I just only have so many hours in the day for my unpaid hobbies like blogging. :) Thanks for the link, though, I hadn't heard of that group.

   Comment by Furry Girl — May 27, 2011 @ 2:54 pm

6. I wasn't wed to the idea of "pleasure trades" and can totally see how that would be weird for someone who doesn't enjoy hir job. We don't call data entry clerks "happy keypunchers" right?

   Comment by aagblog — May 27, 2011 @ 2:56 pm

7. As a sex writer, a sex blogger, a kinkster, what have you, I've engaged in the "am I a sex worker?" conversation a few times. I'm not a sex worker, I know that, but understanding why and what the definition of sex work is has been helpful.

   In general I (and a lot of others) call the movement of sex bloggers, sex educators, lifestyle poly/kinky/fetish/not-heteronormative, pro sex/porn feminists, LGBTQA... activists, alleys so on the "sex positive community" or the "pleasure positive community" and although it is very different from the sex industry there is a bunch of overlap.

   I think the confusion has to do with the fact that in this day and age a lot of labels are owned/reclaimed/claimed by people for a bevy of different reasons and it's hard for a lot of the bloggers/activists to understand that one can't be something if they want to. For example, if I write a lot but never sell any stories I can still consider myself a writer. If I dance every day at home alone I can consider myself a dancer. There are very few labels that are intrinsically based on the receiving of actual compensation.

   Equally in a world where we are all very aware of the commoditization of sex it is an understandably blurry line between getting favors or a lifestyle or goods or jewelry for sexual favors or getting money. I understand the differences you are pointing out, I'm just explaining why a lot of us see it as a blurrier line, because I think your "how could you think you are a sex worker!" rants are both intentionally and unintentionally overlooking a lot of the understandably confusion.

   And the specificity of the label is even more confusing when people can be working in the same trade and yet one is a sex worker and one is not. A porn director faces a lot of bias in society; certainly different problems, but enough similarity that they could understandably consider themselves part of the same marginalized group.

   I'm with you on a lot of what you're saying but a lot of this is coming off as people on the busses to a civil rights march arguing about who is really a minority. I mean blackface? Really? Is that helping anything here? What's next "Give us some donation, you Uncle Toms!"

   Comment by Jack Stratton — May 27, 2011 @ 3:03 pm

8. Hi - I'm the sex shop owner.

   First, I'm very sorry that I offended you.

   I constructed my tweet poorly and I didn't end up saying what I meant. That's what I get for trying to put something this layered into 140 characters. I hope you'll give me the gift of reading the following. I totally get that you don't owe me that.

   I do think of myself as a type of sex worker. However, I also don't go around purporting to be a representative of the sex worker community, fully support your decision to exclude a sex blogger from your project and would never claim that I share your experience.

   I'm a sex educator and a store owner. I regularly exchange my knowledge on sexual techniques and health for money. In addition, I occasionally work in environments in which I am able to do demonstrations as part of teaching. These demonstrations include sexual touch. In another part of my life I regularly performed burlesque and auditioned as a stripper (only once - to my disappointment, I wasn't good enough at it and didn't get the job, but did make enough to pay my rent that month). To me, all of these things are part of a broad category of sex work.

   However, they are absolutely not the same as a person who exchanges sexual touch or sexualized images of their body for money. I do not and have not incurred the risks and responsibilities of those job.

   Our jobs do have a lot of cross over. I've lost friends, experienced difficulties in relationships, have family that lies about my career, get told I'm not a feminist, etc. We also both work closely with people's sexualities in deeply intimate and important ways.

   But no matter how much cross over there is, at the end of the day my physical and legal safety is less at risk than yours. The judgment that I face is less. It's not the same. And I did not mean to say that it was.

   I started talking about the work that I do as sex work in response to people in the community (and especially people in the burlesque community) who come from a place of "well, what I do isn't THAT. I do burlesque, but I'm NOT a stripper". The judgment, the "better than" in those comments makes me furious. Stripping and burlesque are different skill sets. But both involve taking off one's clothes in exchange for money. Doing burlesque does not make one a better (or worse) person than one who strips. I've heard similar statements from people who work in other parts of the industry as well: I'm a ______, not a _______ with the subtext of "so I'm better than _____." That construct is, of course not true. No one is "better than". In response, I've often said, "Well, I'm a sex worker too, what I do may be a different degree, but it's ethically the same". Perhaps I've been incorrect to do that.

   So, thank you for your blog. And I apologize. It was not my intent to say that I know what you want or need, or what your experiences are. Because, of course, I don't.

   It was my intent to say that the work we do is ethically equal. And I obviously screwed that up.

   Thanks for listening.

   Comment by Jacq Jones — May 27, 2011 @ 3:21 pm

9. You've done something very interesting here.

   The term sex worker is a land mine of a term for me. I work for a group that assist women on the street. The commercial legitimacy that "sex worker" implies is rarely applicable to the individuals we see getting out of prostitution. That being said, I am unwilling to deny the agency of the individual and the potential for an emotionally healthy individual, with other job options, to give sex work a shot. I dont like to to play the prostitute/victim binary.

   You're definition of sex worker is so succinct and well worded that you've limited the category to only those who work pimp free. If you're definition were THE definition of sex worker, my job would be easier.

   Comment by Jennifer — May 27, 2011 @ 3:33 pm

10. Jack:

    I hear you on the fact that some people are genuinely confused as to where to draw the line between sex work and slut-as-a-hobby. But the people who I've had these arguments with aren't newbie bloggers making honest mistakes. Bad allies have often been repeatedly confronted by sex workers, but chose to ignore anything that contradicts their portrayal of themselves as a transgressive sex radical. They're people who have a pride-based interest in being able to be called sex workers because their social circles say that sex work is currently stylish.

    No other human rights struggle works like this. You didn't see white people insisting that their ethnicity was Vietnamese to protest the Vietnam war. It's strange to me that co-opting "sex work" is still fairly acceptable, though.

    Co-option is the opposite of solidarity.

    And it is a form of blackface: people from a non-marginalized group risk-free and temporarily dressing up as that group because it's fun for them and gets them attention. As I said, the non- sex workers who claim the title are ALWAYS sex bloggers and naughty internet personas who are in search of attention for their online exhibitionism. I have NEVER met someone who is not trying to become internet famous incorrectly calling themselves a sex worker.

    Jacq Jones:

    You're not a sex worker. End of story.

    Comment by Furry Girl — May 27, 2011 @ 3:39 pm

11. Jennifer: Nowhere do I claim that you have to be pimp-free to be a sex worker.

    Comment by Furry Girl — May 27, 2011 @ 3:42 pm

12. Earlier today, I was moving a nightstand that formerly supported a fish tank, that I found as a college student I just didn't have time or energy to maintain and thus had just cleaned and dissassembling a couple nights ago after selling my remaining fish back to the local independent fish store. I was doing find carrying it by myself, though it was heavy. My daughter scampered over and announced that she was going to help me. I told her I was fine and asked her not to; she grabbed it anyway and I asked her to please back off and let me handle it, because it would be easier to handle it myself than to have to worry about crushing her with it. She seemed a bit disappointed but backed off, commenting that it would hurt if dropped on her foot. I sat her down after I set it down and explained that it was good of her to want to help, but that she needed to listen to people when they tell her that what she wants to do won't be helpful. (I didn't muddy it up by emphasizing the difference of getting involved to say you're involved or because you like the idea, vs. actually trying to make other people's lives easier.) She agreed and hugged me.

    So, anyone who shows up to condesplain against this post, congratulations. You're more stubborn and less socially receptive than an autistic 6 year old.

    Comment by Azkyroth — May 27, 2011 @ 11:37 pm

13. Thank you for posting this.

    There absolutely are gray areas, and I can see how someone might skirt the line of commercial sex enough to want to claim the title of "sex worker." It's an impulse that bears some examination, though.

    If someone trades sex for a place to sleep for the night once in their life, are they a sex worker? I would call that sex work, albeit very informal (if you're going to trade sex for something, money is a lot more portable, really, and sex-for-room-and-board can get messy in terms of boundaries), but I don't think I'd call that person a sex worker.

    (Jacq Jones, while you certainly work in the sex industry and are a sex educator, I would not call you a sex worker either.)

    To me, the term implies someone that supports themselves, in whole or in part, through "their own sexual labor." When people equate their hobbies with my job, it irks me. I'm a sex worker. That is my job. I have lots of hobbies, some of which permeate my life to the extent that I count them as part of my identity, but sex work is what puts food in my mouth and gives me a safe place to lay my head at night.

    I rely on sex work in a way I do not rely on my hobbies. When, as frequently happens in feminist internet spaces, someone vocally wishes for all sex work to vanish in the post-revolution future, they're saying that they want me to lose my job. When someone claims to be a sex worker who doesn't actually WORK this way, they cheapen my profession. There's already a number of people who refuse to think of sex work as requiring professional expertise, education, and (often) a great deal of strenuous effort - all it takes to be a whore is an empty head and open legs, right? - and I hate to see wannabes reinforcing that.

    I clean my own apartment (and sometimes other people's), but I don't call myself a janitor.

    I've taught my cats not to scratch up my futon, but I'm not an animal behaviorist.

    I've cleaned play-doh out of the carpet, sung the ABC song more times than I care to imagine, wiped noses, and played duck-duck-goose with plenty of four-year-olds, but I'm not a preschool teacher.

    I've neosporined and bandaged cuts, given doses of pepto-bismol and advil and antibiotics, wiped butts and drool, dumped feverish people into lukewarm tubs, brought liquids and bland crackers to the vomitous, held a lot of hands through sickness and fear and just plain crappy nights. I'm not a nurse.

    I'm not LESS THAN nurses or animal behaviorists or preschool teachers or janitors. There's plenty of overlap between what they do and what I do, challenges they face and challenges I face. I can use my own experiences to try to better understand theirs. Their jobs are still not my job. It would be rude and inappropriate for me to claim otherwise. My job is sex work. I'm a sex worker.

    Comment by thewhorepoet — May 28, 2011 @ 2:10 am

14. Wow. I'm truly in awe that anyone who is a sex blogger could ever think that they are a sex worker.

    Sure, I make money from my sex blog. But that DOES NOT make me a sex worker. Ever. In any broad-stroked definition of the word. I post photos, sure. But I do not make money directly from those photos. And even if I did, would that little thing make me a sex worker? Does my 4-time stint as a rudimentary freelance cam-girl make me a sex-worker? I still say no.

    I must not run in the same blogging circles as you, FG, because I don't think I've ever known of a sex blogger trying to pass themselves off as a sex worker. If I had I'd probably have argued with them about it. That's just ridiculous and pompous, IMO.

    An overlap in a Venn Diagram does not magically make the whole damn thing one magic circle of sameness, lol. Just because some sex workers blog about sex, does not make all sex bloggers sex workers.

    I'll stop repeating myself now out of sheer incredulity and try to pick my jaw up off the floor.

    Comment by Dangerous Lilly — May 30, 2011 @ 5:34 pm

15. I totally agree with you. At one point in my life, I did do sex work. However, since I no longer engage in sex acts in exchange for monetary compensation, I no longer identify as a sex worker. I work at a sex store and plan on writing queer novels, but that's not the same as what I did before. While doing sex work, I kept that choice hidden from family and friends, I felt as though I was at higher risk to be raped or murdered, and people often shorted me when it came time to pay. Working under these conditions is nothing like working at my sex store. I flesh out people's fantasies, offer erotic advice, and inform patrons what will work the best for them. Even when I lead discussions on pleasure, I am receiving compensation for my advice/time. Thus, working at the sex store, I can identify as a sex educator. Also, if my novels get published, I am a queer author. Having done sex work, I can identify as an former sex worker. What is so difficult about this concept? I understand your frustration and I support your stance! Stay strong and passionate :)

    Comment by Joey — May 30, 2011 @ 9:54 pm

16. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of people wanting to identify as sex workers. Most of my life I got lots of hassle and drama for it.

    I would say now, personally, I'm not a sex worker. But I was for 22 years, longer than I've done anything else. I've had a non-sex work job for about four years now. I did stripping, nude modeling, porn (video) and some web work. I did phone sex. And was a call girl. Most of it was fun, and I don't really regret it, although it cost me something. Had arthritis and age not intervened, I'd probably still be at it.

    So I suppose I'm in the "not, but was" category. I know the scene way better than anyone just pretending.

    Comment by Comixchik — June 1, 2011 @ 5:14 am

17. Azkyroth: Perfect story, thanks for sharing.

    thewhorepoet: I totally agree. I'm not saying I'm "better" than dildo store owners or hobby exhibitionists because they're not sex workers, it's simply different. The title of "sex worker" is one that some people only fight for in first world feminist sex radical circles - no one else finds it confusing or strange that people who are simply "into sex" would not be considered sex workers.

    Lilly: Not all sex bloggers do this, but some of them vehemently cling to the idea that posting free boob pictures and sharing stories about how they like to be fucked is somehow "sex work."

    Joey: I also run a small online sex shop. When I'm giving customers advice on sex toys or lube, or packaging orders, I don't ever think of that portion of my week as "sex work." When I shoot photos or videos of other naked people, I don't see myself as the sex workers in that situation. Those roles are simply different, and perhaps only someone who has been an actual sex worker can understand those differences.

    Comixchik: Quoted for emphasis- "I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of people wanting to identify as sex workers. Most of my life I got lots of hassle and drama for it." :)

    Comment by Furry Girl — June 1, 2011 @ 2:42 pm

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