Three out of four ain't bad: my thoughts on Audacia Ray's post on the dominant narratives of sex work

by Furry Girl

04.28.10

I've re-worked this a few times, trying to not come across bitchy and divisive, but I suspect that some will interpret it that way no matter how many times I rearrange sentences, so I've given up on fussing at it.

Audacia Ray recently posted a noteworthy piece, Sex Worker Storytelling, Activism, and Dominant Narratives. Short on time? Here's (what I consider to be) the meat of the post:

Especially because I run a monthly event in which sex workers are exposing their stories in public, I’ve become hyperaware of the fact that the public performance of sex worker experiences in the United States is very much about the personal adventures of middle class, white, cis women.

I myself am someone who is, in most ways, the stereotype of a sex worker who speaks out. I'm white, cisgender, and middle class. But, there's another crucial element to the typical portrait of an Out-And-Proud Teller of Sex Work Tales that I think Dacia missed, the fourth elephant in the room.

In terms of dominant narratives, a lot of them are from people unlike me in that they did sex work for a short period of time as a means to a specific end, most notably women paying for college. It can feel like there's an overall message of sex work being something a person only does while they're waiting for their real lives to begin.

I started thinking about sex work when I was 17, and mulled over the options in my head until porn seemed like a good fit. At 18, I tried the mainstream porn world once, didn't care for it, and started my own company. It's been almost 8 years since I crossed over into the world of sex work, and I have no exit strategy. This is my real life and my real job.

I don't say that as any sort of judgement against sex workers who were in the business for a short period of time, as plenty of friends and people I admire fit that description, nor do I think that they don't have worthwhile things to say. I genuinely don't want to discount their histories and their experiences, but I think it deserves mention that much of the public face of sex worker experience is in the form of a history, a memoir, a past-tense tale of a person's more experimental youth.

Of course, there are vocal exceptions to this - Mistress Matisse being the first to spring to mind. Tasty Trixie and Seska are politically-inclined pornographers who have both been writing about their lives in the business for some time. There are an increasing number of blogs written by sex workers, but when I mentally take stock of a Who's Who of people blogging/talking/touring the country with their book about sex work, many/most of the people on the list are retired.

It's hard to think of another profession or hobby where its culture's public face is so strongly defined by people who are no longer engaging in it. (Sports commentary from former athletes, perhaps?)

Why is this? I'm not sure.

Is the popularity of the voices of the retired just an accurate representation - do few people do sex work for more than a couple of years? Are career or long-term sex workers that rare? Is it easier for people to talk about something once they've gotten some distance from it? Are the educated folk who used sex work as a means to obtain a degree more likely to be compelled to write about it all? Is it an overblown fear of prosecution that makes some people not want to talk about sex work while they're still engaged in it? Is it because there are fewer available options in the sex industry as one gets older, so people are limited - or opt out over self-consciousness - to stints in the business while young-ish? Is it because these are the voices the general public and mainstream media most wants - stories with titillating adventures that still tacitly assure them, "but don't worry, I'm not a bad girl any more"?

16 Comments

Really interesting post. I was thinking about this a little while back on my blog after seeing a play about experiences being a stripper. One idea I thought about is that white middle class peeps when they get to a certain point in the career try to figure out how to capitalize on their career & experience to get more gain for less sweat.
In the post I did find a video about a sexagenarian who started online porn work. http://atomicsex.net/2010/03/19/4-smart-things-said-about-sex-work/
Thanks for the interesting post!

Comment by Jess MG — April 28, 2010 @ 2:00 pm
I don't think it came across as bitchy or divisive at all.

Very thought-provoking post.

Comment by Cand86 — April 28, 2010 @ 2:14 pm
This doesn't come off bitchy or divisive at all to me.

I'd be really interested to see a post on what it is about porn that made you want to do it, and that keeps you wanting to do it. What made you love doing pornography?

Comment by yb — April 28, 2010 @ 2:39 pm
Thanks for this, and I agree! For me, I have hesitated to come forward in the past primarily due to concerns of unwanted attention from authorities. As I go forward in the coming year with speaking and writing more publicly, I plan on insulating my work personae more, but want to still identify as a *current* sex worker. This is a lifestyle for me also...no exit strategy.

Comment by Megan Morgenson — April 28, 2010 @ 2:39 pm
A very open and honest discussion of what is obviously a poorly understood subject. Thank you for the insight. Good luck with your future and hope for your continued happiness and success with your chosen career.

Comment by Is Still Here — April 28, 2010 @ 3:00 pm
Jess: I think it's very rare for people to be able to parlay a career out of their experiences as sex workers. One book deal, a chance to be on a shitty reality TV show, maybe, but "career"? I don't think so. Diablo Cody and Belle de Jour are the only two people I can think of who went from sex worker bloggers to legitimate crossover fame. (Both of whom are also talented ladies. Being middle class and/or having attended college does not mean you'll necessarily become a successful and witty writer.)

yb: I should write about that in detail at some point - I probably even have a draft somewhere on the topic.

Comment by Furry Girl — April 28, 2010 @ 8:18 pm
"Are the educated folk who used sex work as a means to obtain a degree more likely to be compelled to write about it all?"

I think this may be it. Besides wanting to capitalize ones experiences.

Comment by Sina — April 29, 2010 @ 12:24 am
"It can feel like there's an overall message of sex work being something a person only does while they're waiting for their real lives to begin." YES. This.

I'd have to agree with Sina. I keep coming back to what Mistress Matisse says about writing her book: it won't happen while she's still in the profession, and she has no intention of retiring. I think a lot of us that have no exit strategy are too busy to write our Mandatory Sex Worker Narrative about something we're still doing.

As far as the age thing - I don't think there's anything wrong with aspiring to be the Brett Favre of sex work. (That's actually one of the upsides of the nylon world I think; models don't age out, they just switch to opaques.)

Comment by Sabrina Morgan — April 29, 2010 @ 4:40 am
Dearest FG:

I have come to expect a high level of writing and analysis from you, and you hit it even farther out of the park with this post! Congrats.

I have understood that this is your chosen career, which is one reason your voice is so important -- it balances those who got into the sex business as a means to an end.

Your perspective is incredibly valuable. In fact, I genuinely believe that your choice of career and continued business acumen should be required reading for anyone interested in human sexuality.

Comment by Emily Hornaday — April 29, 2010 @ 8:34 am
Sina: I agree that educated people are more likely to think to write a book to capitalize on their experiences, but I'm not just talking about books. My post is about *any* form of speaking out about sex work. Most forms of talking about being sex workers pay us *nothing*, so that waters down the idea that the reason people do it is because of a financial motivation.

Sabrina: I've also had people ask me if I'm going to write a memoir. I always think, "Wow, I'm only in my 20s and you want a memoir? Am I dying of cancer and no one told me?" (Maybe it's just the word, "memoir", that makes me think it's something you do when you're old or retired from whatever it is you're writing about.) Even if the word memoir is an imperfect one for me, I think there is plenty of room for current sex workers to write about their current experiences. But yes, the *busy* factor! That's the big one for me. The age thing is only partially true, as you know. Sure, stripping or mainstream porn might be focused on women in the 18-25 range, but other fields are still there. There are amateur web porn people who've been running sites for 15-ish years, and they're still going - laugh lines and stretch marks and all. Plus, you'll see plenty of women past college age who are phone sex operators, prodommes, escorts, and yes, even mainstream porn. (At the first Sex 2.0 con, we went out to a club, and Match got a birthday lapdance from a stripper who was still full o' sass and dancing in her 60s.) While the industry is youth-centric, there's *plenty* of options outside the center to keep on working past the ripe old age of 25. There's more "long tail" in sex than anywhere else I can think of. (But, I also wonder if people get self-conscious of their bodies with aging, and that's why they quit.)

Emily: Thanks!

Comment by Furry Girl — April 29, 2010 @ 3:25 pm
Another person mentioned Mistress Matisse in an email to me, in the same vein as Sabrina's comment.

Something else about Mistress Matisse that warrants mention - she writes and works under the same name. Like her blog? There's the link right there to her professional site. (Like me? Join my web sites. Like Sabrina? Give her a phone call. Like Calico? Join Kink.com through her affiliate link.)

I can understand why someone would want the distance as writers, but I opted to do everything under the same "brand". I don't promote my blog much from my sites because I don't want to scare porn-surfers with my politics and rantiness when I really want them to buy porn. (Though, Tasty Trixie seems to do just fine with the combo.) I don't feel like I need a "freedom" of distance because my blog isn't about dishing on clients and telling stories about them. There's pretty much zero titillation factor in my blog.

As I'm trying to think if more people write under their work names, or keep the two totally separate, and I wonder if it's partially a "generation" gap. Audacia Ray and Melissa Gira are both well-known earlier bloggers who talked about sex work while they were still working, but didn't say how you could see them as a client. Same with Belle de Jour and Diablo Cody. Now, I can think of more people who write under their work name. Maybe it's shifting a bit towards writing under your work identity, and having a work identity that embraces more politics?

Comment by Furry Girl — April 29, 2010 @ 3:54 pm
Brilliant post--thank you.

I am a sex worker of eight years. I did sex work to make money to move across the country for grad school; I did sex work through grad school; I finished grad school and realized I did not want to leave sex work. I married and had a baby, and I am still a sex worker. I find myself often in a strange terrain, as a sex worker of choice. Thank you for putting into such eloquent words how some of us stay in sex work.

I plan, too, to be workin' it well into my golden years ...

Comment by Sera Miles — May 6, 2010 @ 7:10 pm
Good topic! I've often ranted about the very tired stripper memoirs out there and their lack of any diversity at all.

I'm still working and sort of writing when I can (work and activism generally eats up a lot of writing time). There are both good and bad things about being "out" and working/writing all under the same name. It's a load of baggage that sometimes is fun to chuck and go pick up a trick in a bar with a totally no-name persona.

That being said, I don't really talk about my experiences, such as they are. I'm more about disseminating information and activism. My work life is nice, cushy and generally boring. Not much to talk about.

I refuse to apologize for being biologically female and choosing a job that rewards me well for that. As for the rest, well, the world is a very big place and the voices in NYC don't speak for the rest of the world (nor do I). I'm sure Audacia would agree.

XX

Comment by Amanda — May 19, 2010 @ 11:28 pm
Comment by Trackbacks — May 21, 2013 @ 7:14 pm

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