11 Comments »

1. Sometimes you want to be a dick so you pay someone so your nonpaid relationships survive.

   Comment by oboc — September 29, 2010 @ 2:38 pm

2. When I used to be a text-girl one of key elements was retention - We had a perve signed up and chatting and our job was to keep him hooked and coming back for his 160 character replies (which cost him about $2.50 each).

   Since we were meant to be real girls, in real relationships (cough!) I'd tend to be real, I wasn't always in the mood for sex and if they said something that annoyed me they were damned well going to apologise, even if they had to use 100 messages begging me not to dump their soon-to-be-very-sorry rude arses.

   Sometimes, making them grovel and pay for it was one of the only perks of that job. Good times!

   Comment by Juicy — September 29, 2010 @ 3:38 pm

3. OBOC: It's true, perhaps, for some of these guys. I tend to imagine them as lonely losers who have no unpaid relationships with womes, though.

   Comment by Furry Girl — September 30, 2010 @ 12:49 am

4. i am thoroughly impressed that you put up with these asswipes; even with the reasons you give, which i quite well understand in theory, in practice, if it were me, i seriously would not be able to resist e-ripping their heads off... penile or neck-based, either one.

   and... @Juicy... there are "Text Girls"? by text girls do you mean girls who are paid to send sexy text messages over mobile phone back and forth with paying clients? forgive me for being totally bowled over by the concept and honestly finding it more than a tad odd (although that's not to avoid saying "more power to ya" at the same time; hehe).

   Comment by nico — October 6, 2010 @ 10:03 pm

5. Well, this is how mad I am. I hired the services of an escort back in March, 5 hours flight away. I was so taken by her, I've managed to by hook and crook see her another two times since. It's getting hard to see her again, and I've just suggested that I pay her just to talk on the phone to me (not sexy, just about literature)...at $3/minute.

   Now either this is sad or cute or pathetic or just plain barking mad...and I know it's her job, and I know her it is in her financial self interest to encourage me in this simulation of a relationship, but, by God I like her so much I'll do this to keep in contact with her. Lonely loser (mock if you like...why do women mock loneliness anyway...I've never understood that...very odd) but there you have it, that's the kind of ridiculously easy money you can earn if you actually manage to convince a client that you like him. We men, even if our prefrontal cortex knows its roleplay, our limbic systems can't help but take it as real. A sucker born every minute I guess.

   Comment by Ivan Appleton — October 11, 2010 @ 2:59 am

6. Ivan: I don't mean to be rude, but your comments on my blog tend to always come back to you writing about your unhappiness with you own life and your non-emotionally-satisfying interactions with sex workers. You obviously want to feel heard and validated about that stuff, but perhaps a hobbyist forum or starting your own blog is a better place to vent about your personal life than on *my blog*. I do like getting feedback on my blog from the client side of things, but comments like these don't contribute at all to the discussion at hand. You're welcome to stay, but stay on topic.

   Comment by Furry Girl — October 11, 2010 @ 3:11 am

7. Well, as a client of sex workers, I'm interested in sex workers attitudes toward clients, and one of the comments in this thread opened my eyes and burst my bubble (the one about creating the pretense of a relationship). That's actually about the heart and soul of your industry...and what I'm telling you about (sadness in my life etc.) is what that is all about. If you'd step back, you might have realised that I was telling you what your clients are really after (fingers up butts aren't really it...but the acceptance of the desire to see a finger up a butt...well, that comes close). That is to say, what I'm telling you is that what clients are after is something they don't have...acceptance. That is what makes you money (when you give it) and what loses you money (when you don't give it). My comment was actually a response to the sex worker in the comment above who wrote about encouraging men to spend money by leading them into the belief that they had formed a relationship...that opened my eyes, and I won't be spending anymore, and will discourage others from that path too.

   Yours is a blog about sex work. You are saying you don't want client comments? If you are not saying that, then are you saying you don't want client perspective on sex work? If you are not saying that, then are you saying you don't want a client perspective on the sadness that drives men to sex workers (such as yourself)? If you are saying that, then you are indeed saying that you don't want to know about the market you are dealing in. I guess that's understandable. Used car dealers don't care why people want cars, why should you care why men want sex workers. but then, I would have thought that a used car dealer might have found some useful information in customers dissatisfactions that lead them to the car yard.

   Anyway...this is an anonymous commenting section of a blog in a websphere of billions of people and I am someone who's real name or identity or whereabouts you have no idea about...doesn't the absurdity of this whole enterprise strike you. For me (who can touchtype at nearly 100 words/min) this is a couple of minutes random break in some work and playing with the kids and laughing at a DVD to comment on something that struck me as inhumane and lacking any sense of largeness of spirit, and that reaked of cynicism...before I go and write a paper, phone a friend, and forget about this for another month unless i stumble across it again. But for you, this is your baby, your blog....How weird...a couple of minutes every several times over the course of several months for me, forgotten about between times...but for you...the semblance of someone who frequently comments on your blog. It's crazy don't you think? Why am I even writing this? I'm not sure, I sure as eggs will have forgotten to even check for a response by tomorrow. Maybe it is because I just like belting out words on the keyboard.

   Goodbye forever! Have a nice life (and keep your finger out of your bum, you don't know where it's been).

   Comment by Ivan Appleton — October 11, 2010 @ 3:56 am

8. Ivan: An hour ago, you were complaining angrily that your life was miserable and you describe yourself as a "lonely loser" - but wait! - now it's filled with joy and laughter and family and friends and it's *Furry Girl* who's forgettable and pathetic! Thanks for the LOLs, bitter obtuse dude. It isn't my fault, or the fault of any other sex worker, if you are unwilling to accept that sex workers are not in this *BUSINESS* for the purpose of fostering unpaid, emotionally-attached romantic relationships with you or any other client.

   Comment by Furry Girl — October 11, 2010 @ 4:29 am

9. @Ivan: I think that if you had actually listened to the people you hired as escorts, you'd find that they really aren't trying to get you to believe that their interactions with you are more than a business transaction like you seem to think. As an escort myself, I do everything I can to discourage guys from thinking like that - at best, it's unethical, and at worst, it's dangerous. I know that I'd rather lose a client than have him think that he's falling in love with me. If you like your escort, that's fine - nobody's saying that you can't enjoy the company of the people you engage in business with, but don't confuse his or her friendly business demeanor for anything more than a friendly business demeanor. If you can't handle that, do yourself and your escort a favor and find a new way to spend your money and time.

   Oh, and concerning your "easy money" comment: go fuck yourself. Hooking up with an escort might be play time for you, but that doesn't mean it's not work for your escort.

   Comment by Jessica — October 11, 2010 @ 9:10 am

10. Now, now, Jessica, don't twist the man's words: Ivan didn't say we earn "easy money", he said it's "ridiculously easy money". ;) It's so weird that he thinks that sex workers *try* to get men to become emotionally attached to us. I hear sex workers talk regularly about what they've done to *actively discourage* clients from getting clingy like that. Serpent Libertine once blogged about firing such clients: http://www.sexpros.net/?p=377

    Just as a follow-up for other readers, after "Ivan" stamped off in a huff, declaring he'll never be back and doesn't care about my stupid blog because his life is so fantastic, he starting posting again under a new name (but the same New Zealand IP address). Sigh. More of his unrelated commentary angrily blaming sex workers for his own misery and loneliness. And, of course, telling me I'm so detached and uncaring that I'm not "cut out" to be an escort, just a lowly cam girl. Apparently, what it takes to be a Real Escort is falling in love with your clients and having zero emotional boundaries. I'll be sure and let all my whore friends know that they've been doing it wrong all these years. Thank god we have such wise business advisors like Ivan to help us dumb sluts understand how to do our jobs.

    His rants are amusing comment fodder, but I shouldn't keep feeding the troll, and won't be publishing any more of them. Dude, give it up. Find a therapist.

    Comment by Furry Girl — October 11, 2010 @ 4:08 pm

11. I know that I am very late for this conversation, but am I off for thinking that a good analogy for the proper attitude for me to have towards a sex worker is the same one I have towards an attentive waitress at a fine restaurant? We are pleasant and friendly to each other, I get what I came for as long as it is on the menu, and I compensate her well when the bill arrives. We can like each other... I might even be her favorite customer... but she and I both know that our "relationship" is entirely business and that she would not be refilling my glass otherwise.

    Comment by Andy — December 5, 2010 @ 8:37 pm

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Comment policy for Feminisnt: I do not publish blatant insults and trolling. You must use a name/handle other than anonymous or asdf because I am tired of giving space to detractors who are too lazy to pick a fake handle and too scared to use a real one. I no longer publish comments bitching at me about how feminism is the greatest thing ever. And I may not publish your comment if I have already addressed that specific issue several times already. Read my responses to other comments before asking a new question. Finally, if your comment hinges on an obvious logical fallacy, I might not publish that, either, except to make fun of you. All new commentors have their first comment held for moderation. Commenting on my blog and taking up space on my server is a privilege, not a right.