"I think that one of the hardest things that sex workers today face is that if they are out at all… and if they are proud at all, there's such a burden to have to all the time be like, 'No, I do sex work and it's great and let me tell you why,' to change people's perceptions.  And the fact is that it's not great all the time, a lot of the time it sucks, because it's a job and they all suck.  And all service industry jobs are basically the same- you get clients that are rude or smelly, or distasteful in whatever ways, and you know, it's like anything else.  I know I don't feel comfortable talking about that to other non-sex worker people, like shitty clients that I had, or times when I felt like I did the totally wrong thing, or times when I was really scared or times when I was just like, 'Ugh, I so don't want to go to work,' or whatever it is.  The fact is that it's just like anything else, but like when there's so much against you, you've got to be like, 'No no no no no, it's rad, all the time.' And I think that's hard."

-- Penny, in Alexandra Lutnick's article "Survey Says: Job Satisfaction?", from  $pread Magazine.

Aside from not making much in the recession, my job is mostly awesome.  But, it has been a major source of frustration over the years that if I complain about a shitty customer or something I don't like, normal people give me their Sympathy Face and tell me that maybe it's time I think about quitting.  (Huh?  I've never done that to any of them when they whine about their jobs.)  Sex workers need sex worker friends to gripe to, because it can feel like other people will use your (normal, expected, everyone-at-every-job-has-'em) complaints about work against you.

7 Comments »

1. I would think that goes for any specialized job. I mean, I generally only complained about the funeral work with other funeral directors, because they were the only ones who understood. Same goes for massage. And I know my sister complains about Starbucks to other Barista's, because sometimes complaining needs to be done to someone who understands the back story. (ex, I sometimes bitch about people expecting massages because I'm a massage therapist. Generally, only other LMT's or skilled service providers understand this, because they get it too. I'm sure you get people wanting to chat and wank for free all the time.)

   Though I do agree that people are more likely to suggest you quit sex work than other skilled service jobs, because people don't value or understand it as well as they should.

   Comment by Wendy Blackheart — September 24, 2010 @ 8:10 pm

2. Your job is very similar to many kinds of nursing where you have to wash and dress your patiennts, and help them through their very personal difficulties. Yes sex work is care work. I couldn't be a psychiatric nurse or a protitute for many of the same reasons and I've got admiration for anyone who can to either. If you tell your non sex worker friends your work is very similar to being a psyciatric nurse and so it's sometimes enjoyable but when it's challenging you need the same resourcefulness, I think they might understand.

   Comment by Jake — September 25, 2010 @ 3:55 am

3. I never have understood normal peoples weirdness on this, it's sad. I've always seen sex work as just like any other job. But I also don't have any asinine religious or cultural bigotry guiding my judgments either...

   Comment by Royce Icon — September 25, 2010 @ 9:39 am

4. EXACTLY! I hate that the fact I decided to take six months off and do something crazy makes people think that I'm quitting sex work. Everyone needs a break to recharge their batteries, yanno? Although I kind of feel like in a month I won't be ready for the real world quite yet, that doesn't mean I hate my job or anything.

   Its hard to blog about too, which is why I love your blog and your honesty about working. Sometimes I feel worried when I'm about to post something that I need to get off my chest that someone else might read as a need for me to quit or something.

   I feel like we need spaces where we can be totally honest about our work, the good the bad and the ugly, because how else are we going to affect positive changes in the industry?

   Comment by Sequoia — September 25, 2010 @ 1:23 pm

5. Wendy: I bet chefs get it, too. Sex work, massages, cooking, those sorts of services can be seen as "fun", so they don't qualify as "work" for most people.

   Jake: I doubt psychiatric nursing is a more relatable field than sex work, but I understand what you're saying.

   Seqouia: I blog about all sorts of shit that pisses me off with sex work, but very little of it has to do with the customers. Most of what I have to gripe about is dealing with everyone else and their opinions about sex work. To me, that's the biggest thing I have to complain about - not the actual work, but the world's reaction to the work.

   It also annoys me that when I said my sites aren't making enough for me to count on them as full-time income and that I need to spend more time camming instead, I had people react with, "What? You're closing your sites?" Um, no, please read what I wrote. I'm not quitting, I'm just re-balancing how I spend my time.

   Comment by Furry Girl — September 25, 2010 @ 2:32 pm

6. There was a new bint on television this morning, 18 dressed like Monica Belucci in the tango advert, the new thing, talented, amazing, everything every girl always wanted to be..... Maybe if people were not sold this as something so far removed from prostitution - which I believe it is - then prostitution would become common place and more readily accepted quicker, a bitch about a client being just that. Homosexuality is still a long way off being accepted as normal so maybe prostitution could follow steadily along after? How could one normalise prositution quicker than making it main stream as Belle managed too? Yet still the waves are so high, keep paddling little pussy cat in your beautiful pea green boat!

   Comment by Toby — September 29, 2010 @ 8:49 am

7. • Why We “Run In Packs” « http://www.harlotsparlour.com

   Comment by Trackbacks — May 17, 2012 @ 7:39 am

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