12 Comments »

1. I seriously have the same questions you do. I see the camgirl>customer "connection" as part of enabling people to talk about things that they may not be able to talk about w/ thier mate yet. Would this be a sign that some guys are even worse off than just having a hard time expressing it, even when the opportunity presents itself?

   Admittedly I am also wondering if it is someone who is not familiar with the English language enough to hold conversation. :(

   Comment by Vixen Blu — July 4, 2010 @ 11:41 am

2. I wondered about the English thing, too, but his IP was from a pretty lily-white state, and guys who don't speak English tend to either tell me that up front or start typing in their own language. I think this one was just painfully shy, or confused somehow that the point in paying me was that he got to tell me what he wanted to see.

   Comment by Furry Girl — July 4, 2010 @ 1:22 pm

3. This reminds me of a lot of conversations I used to have on AIM a decade ago. I had many a one-sided conversation with incoherent folks, but you'd think that if the dude was paying he'd at least tell you what he wants.

   I can understand being indecisive, but not for that long, and certainly not if I were paying. Ultimately it's cool that you got paid $50 or so for a little bit of awkwardness.

   Comment by Royce Icon — July 4, 2010 @ 11:52 pm

4. Royce: No complaints about the cash! Those types don't usually do 37 minutes, though, they're usually gone in under 10 because, I assume, they're frustrated that I'm not reading their minds.

   Comment by Furry Girl — July 5, 2010 @ 3:29 pm

5. I've posted a few times here, so maybe I can defend the client and put some perspective into this. I can't speak for all men, but I started using the services of sex workers (escorts, not "cammers")until after reaching a point of desperation in my life. Just because a client has decided that he is OK with the idea of paying for sex, doesn't mean that it is his first choice.

   Now my desperation came not (I hope!) from some intrinsic unattractiveness: I'm tallish, athletic, a professional with considerable discretionary income, reasonably well dressed, generally confident and sociable, and (I'm told) not unattractive to the eye. Rather, it came from being in a marriage that had become sexless (tried everything) with children that I adore, and out of fear of losing the children should I leave the marriage or be caught in an affair. Ten years of this! Ten years of soul searching before paying for it...and then, the nerves and shyness that came the first few times were like being a young teenager again. However, I had enough self awareness to tell the escorts this, and to let them know that I needed them to take the lead, and not to rush me. I think many more men than you realise need that. It's harder than you think. My guess are these men are shy about their needs, and knowing your are more experienced than they, expect you to take the lead.

   Comment by Ivan Appleton — July 11, 2010 @ 5:18 pm

6. Ivan,

   I think that your point is a bit more valid for physical situations than online ones like FG experienced. In person, an experienced sex worker can get a vibe from a guy, and can better control the situation if a dude is really shy. They can improvise, and gauge by reaction.

   But online, I think that's harder to do, especially if you're just going by text on a screen. I'm a very timid, insecure person myself, but I'd at least be able to type as much as "please show me your pussy, and uh, maybe your ass?".

   Also, the background of the sex worker really matters too. Folks who come from a stripping/ booth show background are likely used to just kind of doing stuff, whereas other people may need more direction.

   The whole point of cam shows I would think is to have that one on one connection with the sex worker, where they're doing what you want. If you can't even vaguely tell them what to do, why not just watch regular, non interactive porn?

   Comment by Royce Icon — July 12, 2010 @ 1:14 am

7. Royce answered Ivan's question before I could get to it, but yes, I think it's much easier to deal with shy guys in person. Look at that chat log. That's *everything* I have to go on about the guy - I can't see him, I can't get a "vibe" for him, I can't touch him, I can't get cues about his life from his manner of dress, I get nothing but a few words. I'm not bashing clients, I'm just advising them to speak up about what they want. (And I've heard this complaint from loads of other sex workers, too - it's exhausting and confusing to try and slowly drag things out of a person when you're trying to give them a good experience.)

   Comment by Furry Girl — July 12, 2010 @ 3:27 pm

8. It's sometimes easier in person, but not always. If they're just too shy to say they want to fuck me, that's easy enough to figure out. But if they're too embarrassed to admit that they can't cum without a leather strap around their balls until the last 30 seconds of the appointment when it's much too late... there's not a whole lot I can do.

   I think a lot of clients are really damaged by how sex-negative society is. It's really sad and I feel bad for them but it really doesn't help me do my job when they can't talk about what they need :/

   Comment by Krystal — July 28, 2010 @ 10:46 am

9. I am wondering if in fact this guy was physically or mentally handicapped and unable to easily communicate? I know he was able to navigate his way into a chatroom, but that may have taken a very long time and considerable effort. Once there, he may have had limited "resources" to do what he wanted to do and chat as well. Good of you to persevere though (yes, I know, you are being paid for it, but I can imagine many camgirls getting fed up and just terminating it). It's alway svery difficult to make a judgement when you have very limited information! Just a thought.

   Comment by Jim — August 24, 2010 @ 10:12 pm

10. Jim: That's a good theory- I have no idea. I think some cam customers are just painfully shy, which would be my knee-jerk assumption before assuming a disability.

    Comment by Furry Girl — September 1, 2010 @ 1:45 pm

11. Even though this thread is old, I thought I might offer the possibility that there are other possibilities (besides a disability, which is, of course, also possible) for explaining behavior such as that client's. Some people have problems using a keyboard -- that guy's use of abbreviation or letters-as-words suggests he is not a fast typer and maybe shy about this fact.

    Also he might be afraid, awkward, or otherwise uncomfortable with having to express his desires. Because of several reasons (our society's sexophobia, the client's background, etc.), expressing his wishes may feel, ahn, more than a little ridiculous to him. Let's suppose he would like to see your asshole. He might type in something like, 'ahn, could you please show me your ass and then spread the ass cheeks apart so that I could see your anus', but somehow I cannot myself type this without wanting to laugh -- no matter how I try to phrase it, it ends up sounding like a line from a "Dumb and Dumber"-style movie.

    So I imagine a client who paid the fee and started the chat thinking he'd be able to tell you what to do... only to discover that actually doing it feels embarrassing, awkward, or downright comically ridiculous.

    People need more sex education, so as to be less afraid of looking stupid. Sex is in many respects a pretty stupid-looking thing; if we're afraid of looking stupid, we won't be having much sex.

    Comment by Asehpe — January 5, 2011 @ 6:42 am

12. • Tweets that mention Feminisnt » Note to clients: please, PLEASE give us some feedback so we have something to work with! -- Topsy.com

    Comment by Trackbacks — February 5, 2012 @ 3:45 am

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