The first thing potential sex workers need to know: you will be caught by someone

by Furry Girl

12.18.09

I've been contacted countless times by people who want to be sex workers, and I've advised many of them against it.  Why?  Because plenty of these emailers are terrified of being discovered.  If you're already experiencing great concern over potential outings and shame, this is not a job for you to be considering.  One would think this goes without saying- but it apparently doesn't, judging by the number of times I've encountered such people.

Emailers want to let me know that they are turned on by exhibitionism, consider themselves quite sex-positive, love performing, and eager for my advice.  They also often let me know that they'd potentially be disowned by their families and "real friends", kicked out of school, lose custody of their children, and/or be fired from their conservative job if anyone found out.  They want to how to not get "caught".

I tell such potential sex workers: imagine the person you'd least want knowing about it.  They'll probably be the ones who find your alter ego first.

My bad outing story?  Over dinner, some loser my mother was dating yelled at my grandmother that I "suck dick for money", jumping to his feet and pompously refusing to spend another minute at the same table as a whore.  So, picture your own elderly grandmother, with an enraged asshole screaming at her that you suck dick for money.  Can you handle that?  (The irony about this situation, however, is that every time in my life that dick-sucking has transpired and money has changed hands, I have never once been the one being paid to suck a dick.  But I didn't want to try and explain that to an upset woman in her late 80s.)

So, here it is, short and concise, for all my would-be sex worker readers:

The first rule of sex work is: you will be caught being a sex worker.
The second rule of sex work is: YOU WILL BE CAUGHT BEING A SEX WORKER.

Accept those rules before you start quizzing myself or others about how to get started in the business.  Sex work can offer great things to those of us with big hearts, abundant sexual energy, creativity, and business-savvy, but those freedoms and rewards do come at a certain price.





5 Comments »

  1. Hear hear. I feel the same way.

    And honestly, about blogging too. If someone is worried about someone finding their blog, they WILL find it.

    If you're ashamed of what you're doing, or people finding out what you're doing, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

    Comment by Essin' Em — December 22, 2009 @ 7:58 pm

  2. Well, I thought I'd add this most small, little addendum to say that you can't even plan to read a sex worker blog without just the person you don't want to see you reading it finding out. That's my wife and I, who consider myself a devoted feminist and certainly pro-freedom for women in all areas, was outed as some kind of dirty boy for even reading this blog. Not to mention even Betty Dodson's blog--a really old crusading feminist. Well, good luck and keep on communicating! It's our only way to continued sanity.
    --rockethenry

    Comment by Henry B. — May 13, 2010 @ 2:16 pm

  3. I agree that if you have a problem with certain people finding out, you shouldn't do it, but I think it's an exaggeration to say that they will for sure get caught. Between the countless niches of porn and the millions of faces just online, it certainly isn't for sure, especially if the person is going for a less original look/ has no particularly unique features.

    Comment by Royce Icon — July 12, 2010 @ 2:03 am

  4. Royce: You'd be surprised how easily and frequently people a sex worker knows will find them. It might seem like finding a needle in a haystack, but it's very common, to the point it's pretty much guaranteed.

    Comment by Furry Girl — July 12, 2010 @ 2:53 pm

  5. hmm. I admit that my perspective on this is likely skewed, as I've never tried to hide anything and have no experience in that regard. I always find myself talking about the porno I was in and other weird shit in casual conversation, including ones with my mom.

    Also, being the somewhat solipsist person I am, I forget that most people interact with way more people than I do, so that would increase the chances.
    I only "know" about 50 or 60 people max, and when you take away internet acquaintances, It's down to like 20, mostly relatives who wouldn't even recognize me now and like 4 friends.

    So yeah, I'm probably wrong.

    Comment by Royce Icon — July 13, 2010 @ 1:37 am

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