I'm so fucking tired of the feminist imagination.

“As a waitress you just have to suck it up (so to speak) and deal with it because that's your job. If you are a prosttitute , I imagine it's kind of the same; but you have to do whoever is paying because that's your job. It's not your choice anymore , who you do, because you have to make a living at it. For me, that would take a lot of the fun and enjoyment out of sex. I'd rather be a slut who gives it away for free to the people of MY choosing. It's not objectification of women that's a problem for me -it's the commodification of sex that lessens it for all of us. This is by no means an attack or criticism on you or any other sex worker, it's kind of a defence for those of us who may like sex too much to make a living from it.”

I am very glad I read this because it makes perfectly explicit an attitude I have often encountered. On the occasions when I have argued with someone that sex work is not inherently unethical or immoral &c., a very common fallback argument seems to be something like this: “It’s not that it’s wrong, it’s just that it cheapens sex.”

Now that I am faced with an explicit form of the argument, I have to say that I find it nonsensical. You like sex too much to do it for a living? If anything the opposite might make sense (it’s surely possible to dislike sex too much to do it for a living). Say rather that you personally would not find it enjoyable in a commercial context and I would nod and not argue, but generalising it seems dangerous.

Similarly, I do not have and have never had a desire to hire a sex worker. This is not because I think there’s anything wrong with sex work. I’ve known happy sex workers. It also isn’t because I think it’s dangerous or unclean. (Those sex workers I’ve known? I’ve learned about sexual health and precautions and regular checkups from them; I certainly didn’t have anything to teach them!) It’s just that, to me personally, the social and psychological factors of mutual attraction and being desired are so important that the thought of having sex with someone who does it for money rather than (merely) because they want to does not appeal. This should not offend. But if I go on to say that only losers are interested in hiring prostitutes, that it takes some sort of pathology, or perhaps that people who do just lack my appreciation for the full sexual experience…then I’m just a pretentious cock. (It would be easy to retort that it is some narcissistic or insecure flaw in my own psyche that makes me require a woman to be attracted to me rather than simply regarding sex as sex.)

It’s tempting to think so, of course, because it allows me to think of myself as better than certain other people, but I do my fallible human best to suppress the urge to think that “if other people view sex differently than I do, it must be icky and inferior”.

By analogy, someone might be greatly, tremendously fond of home-cooked meals prepared with love and care. I personally fail to see why this would necessarily translate into a dislike for restaurants or take-out food (though certainly you or I, as individuals, might have strong feelings on the matter).

On a side note, “commodification” is a truly awful word (and often a truly awful concept).

The feminist/anti-porn activists like to dismiss people like me - the more loudmouth, public, loving-our-jobs sex workers - and say that there are only a wee handful of us, and everyone else is a raped, beaten, trafficked (and probably underage) streetwalker with a drug addiction. The reality is, there are people like me, and there are the abused streetwalkers, but most people in the sex industry that I've encountered are simply humming along, going about their jobs, and mostly pretty happy with their work. It's the silent majority. I was once talking to a completely non-political woman who'd been doing porn for more than a decade, and she expressed genuine confusion that there were people who thought she was being oppressed and abused and needed saving. You don't have to be an intellectual to see why paternalism is annoying and bizarre.

I started providing late in life (just turned 54). It was my choice from the beginning to do what I do. The timing was as perfect as it was going to get. When asked, I as often state I'm a provider as that I write or make jewelry. I have a strong supporting cast of friends - and clients. As a relatively new provider (8 months "old" in June 2010), I know I have a lot yet to learn. I can't remember the last time I was as happy with a career choice as I am now.

I don't "get" the feminist argument against sex work or porn or any of that; I never have even when I wasn't working in it. (I seldom get into any political argument because I'm "left," "right" or "center" depending on the topic.) But, to be told that my choices aren't the "correct" choices - by so-called feminists who (I thought) stood up for freedom of choice - is lost on me. I do what I want and let it go at that. Someone else doesn't like it, so what? These are my choices; I'll live my life according to my values and in the manner I deem best for me. Let them live theirs the way they deem best for themselves.

How is that so difficult to understand?

Which is why I'm glad to have found another gal who isn't afraid to speak up. "This is me, this is what I think on this subject and I don't care if you like me or my views." Keep it up, Furry Girl!

http://www.feminisnt.com/2009/sex-worker-literati-and-gradations-of-grievances/
http://www.feminisnt.com/2009/things-ive-gained-from-being-a-sex-worker-an-anti-paternalistic-perspective/
http://www.feminisnt.com/2010/want-to-play-bingo-with-the-antis/

Personally, I still call myself a feminist - because I don't believe that feminism is about having to force yourself into a mould constructed by other people. I see it as a way of upholding the importance of a person's choice, of bodily autonomy and mutual respect for others. What I do for money, who I fuck and what I wear have nothing to do with feminism, because they are what make me comfortable, they are what I have chosen and they are what I feel is best for me.
But we can argue semantics until the cows come home. Bottom line is about prioritising our own beliefs, sexualities and passions over compartmentalising our lives into a convenient philosophy.

In anycase - you rock. Keep it up!

I actually do liken "feminism" and "patriotism", but not in the same sense you do. Both "feminist" and "patriot" are terms that are embraced/appropriated by people of all stripes - right, left, anti-government, pro-government - to use as a banner to wave for literally whatever their cause is. So, to me, both words/concepts just lose their meaning because of their ability to be applied to everything anyone has ever thought about any political issue.