by Furry Girl
05.13.09
For a long time, I resisted starting a blog. I don't want to be another node in the pink ghetto who writes my take on the story of the week in between tales of getting fucked and the latest free photo galleries from porn sites I jack off to. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with those things, it's just that other people already have it covered.
However, I think there still exists plenty of room for blogs about sexual politics written by sex workers themselves. We're a group of people who are ignored and excluded from all sorts of dialogues, and hated fiercely by people on the right and the left, so I have more of a motive to write in defense of sexual autonomy than I do to write a review of how I attempted to get off using the latest high-tech strangely-shaped sex toy.
After working on the outskirts of the porno industry since 2002, I have steadily been moving from wanting to modernize and re-define the concept of feminism to wanting to stop beating that dead horse entirely. Many of my friends and favorite people consider themselves feminists. A lot of my enemies consider themselves feminists, too, and they exist in larger numbers, with better funding, and with better brand recognition as the face of feminism. (Why fight like mad to have your awesome new organic fairtrade beverage be recognized as "Coca Cola", when there already is a firmly established Coca Cola company that sucks? Why not just focus on being great under your own power, with your own title?) I spent way too much of my own time trying to shoehorn myself into feminism, and I look back on that as an embarrassing waste of my energy.
Feminism as a word/identity is used to describe so much of everything that it has ceased to mean anything at all. Is fucking people for money feminist? Is climbing the corporate ladder feminist? Is wearing an abaya feminist? Is shaving your pussy feminist? Is being a stay-at-home mom feminist? Is BSDM feminist? Are sewing and crafting feminist? Is makeup feminist? Is being a woman in the military feminist? Is broccoli soup feminist?!?! You have people lined up, ready to fight to the death over their absolute certainty over whether or not such things are truly feminist. (What the word "feminism" stands in for, of course, is deemed permissible by the "right" kind of people.)
In general, I'm tired of "feminist" being used as a blanket qualifier to mean "awesome", especially when it comes to the concept of feminist porn. I think "awesome" works just fine as a qualifier for awesome.
I seek to advance the idea the first person in any debate to propose that their position is correct because it's the most "feminist" has hereby lost the argument. I have been guilty of this one plenty of times in the past, but I can learn from my mistakes.
I feel like I've taken back something, like friends have taken back "fag", "fatty", or "cripple". I've taken back "not a feminist" and claimed it for myself, and in doing so, have disarmed a lot of people who've hurled it at me as an insult in debates. I wasted a lot of my time and energy arguing over whether or not I'm a real feminist and if my work - and the work of other sex workers - can be construed as feminist acts. So now, rather than get all upset when an asshat says I'm not a feminist, I can shrug it off and say, "yeah, so what?" I feel like this dismissal "empowers" and "liberates" me more than anything else that modern feminism could ever hope to provide me.
One of the things that's been batting itself around in my head over the years is, "What purpose does 'feminism' serve, today, in industrialized nations? Why the need to identify as a 'feminist'?" I've never seen a satisfactory answer. Much like quizzing someone on their religion, the answers are some defensive permutation of "it just is!" For some folks, that's sufficient, and I won't try to wrest their important identity label from them, but I need tangible reasons to do and believe things.
Writer Jorge Luis Borges famously described the Falklands War as "two bald men fighting over a comb", and that image perfectly describes the war for the title of "feminist", too. Why are we supposed to want what it is that we're fighting for?
I've pumped a lot of quarters into this here claw machine, but sheer stubbornness kept me from realizing that I didn't even want a small stuffed animal.
Furry Girl: a good time not yet had by all
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Blogs: heavy on sexual politics & sex work
- $pread Magazine's Blog
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- Dan Savage on SLOG
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- Lux Nightmare [archive, 2006-07]
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- Violet Blue's Tiny Nibbles
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- Whorecast [archive, 2005-06]
I loved your response, I love how well thought out and articlate it was. I've never felt that feminists were as strong or as powerful as coca'cola.
It probably irks me more than anything when there is a new completely misogynistic TV show or movie and the girls sit back and giggle as if to say, it's ok, I'm cool, I'm just one of the boys, like being a feminist means you're serious, unattractive and humourless.
Feminism really gave me strength as a teenager and young woman, it gave me insight, perspective, and hope that the world doesn't have to be as fucked up as it is.
Having read your blog though, I completely understand why you would distance yourself from feminism, I can only imagine what the Andrea Dworkins would say about your hard and creative work.
Comment by Christine — August 30, 2009 @ 2:08 am
I think what I really like about this response or rant or whatever is that it puts a truly positive face on a really damn frustrating situation. I live with and love a sex worker and I can't tell you how many times over the years I've had the "you-must-have-no-respect-for-yourself-not-be-bothered-by-her-work" debate, or (since we have an open relationship) the "you-must-be-so-afraid-of-losing-her-to-let-her-get-away-with-that" debate. It's always close friends who start up these debates and they always argue from a position of ostensible "feminism".
I want a feminism that embraces the good people can do for themselves and others with their bodies; I want a feminism that admits love doesn't need to be about jealousy or possessiveness; I WANT A FEMINISM THAT DOESN'T SPLASH A COAT OF PAINT OVER ALL THE OLD INSECURITIES...and call them "empowerment". But, as you said, there's already a well-established Coca-Cola that sucks, so for a long time I've taken "feminist" almost as an insult when applied to me. Why? Because "feminist" the way it's used now has become an ideology all its own that we buy in to, all-or-nothing. If you're a feminist, everything feminist has to be GREAT! It's like how if you identify as an American patriot, woe betide you if you say "Bullshit, this isn't what this country was built on, or for!" about, say, "anti-terrorist" measures like Guantanamo Bay.
Patriotism in America has become something where, in order to preserve the "ideals that this country was founded on" - like justice and liberty and so on - in some form, no matter how diluted, for its citizens, America must take those options away from other people. Because they aren't "Americans" and that makes it somehow okay.
Feminism is the same. In order to make sure that all these women who identify as feminist can keep their feminist identities while also preserving the "morality" that was impressed on them at a young age (and which they've never tried to examine for internal logic), some women are thrown out of the conceptual fold. Sex workers, for example, are "not feminist" either because they're slaves to the patriarchy (in which case they need to be rescued and de- or re-programmed) or they're "trafficked victims" (in which case they need to be rescued, pitied, and brought to speak at lectures) or they're slaves to their addictions (in which case they need rehab and THEN de- or re-programming); if they insist that these labels don't apply to them, they're either "not representative" or "fooling themselves".
In point of fact, some of the most empowered women I have ever met, some of the strongest, healthiest, most open-minded and all-embracing women I have known, have been sex workers. And mostly they don't identify as feminists, because the term has been taken from them. Women who should be working WITH sex workers to improve the situation and options of ALL women are instead lying to themselves about sex workers and lying to the world about them too...and getting an awful lot of credence.
It's a sad thing when a movement that was all about opening eyes now deliberately closes, not only its own eyes (in order to preserve comfortable, illogical early canalization) but the eyes of others. Feminism had a right to be angry as long as it was trying to gain something for all women. Now, though, it's trying to say "We're better than you and you don't even know why because you're a poor confused benighted hooker - don't worry sister, come here to the light!"
Is there some rule that movements that fight against oppression must one day oppress? It's just like American patriotism...just like it.
Comment by Meg — February 22, 2010 @ 12:13 pm
PS - I'm Canadian...but I lived in the States for a while and nearly ended up brainwashed.
Comment by Meg — February 22, 2010 @ 12:14 pm
First, that's great that you defend your sex worker partner to friends. It makes me happy when I see people embrace their partner like that, rather than lie about what they do or join in with their friends in being uncomfortable and awkward at their partner over sex work.
I actually do liken "feminism" and "patriotism", but not in the same sense you do. Both "feminist" and "patriot" are terms that are embraced/appropriated by people of all stripes - right, left, anti-government, pro-government - to use as a banner to wave for literally whatever their cause is. So, to me, both words/concepts just lose their meaning because of their ability to be applied to everything anyone has ever thought about any political issue.
Comment by Furry Girl — February 22, 2010 @ 4:15 pm
Hey,
Had your blog recommended to me by a friend. So far I love what I see, and I think I'll be a regular visitor.
I'm a Women's Studies major that's just starting to branch out into Sexology. I've also worked as an exotic dancer for the last three years, and believe me I've had plenty of practice in defending myself against feminists who want to tell me that the way I make my living, my lifestyle and my appearance are contrary to feminism. So, while our experiences may well be very different, I can definitely appreciate much of what you say here.
Personally, I still call myself a feminist - because I don't believe that feminism is about having to force yourself into a mould constructed by other people. I see it as a way of upholding the importance of a person's choice, of bodily autonomy and mutual respect for others. What I do for money, who I fuck and what I wear have nothing to do with feminism, because they are what make me comfortable, they are what I have chosen and they are what I feel is best for me.
But we can argue semantics until the cows come home. Bottom line is about prioritising our own beliefs, sexualities and passions over compartmentalising our lives into a convenient philosophy.
In anycase - you rock. Keep it up!
Comment by Kitty — February 28, 2010 @ 4:36 am