Finding someone you know naked on the internet: a tale of two emailers

by Furry Girl

08.14.09

The other night, I received an email from a former neighbor.  I had lived next to his family in the Seattle suburbs for two years, and I shot plenty of porn in my rental house during that time.  His email was polite, complimentary of my work and blog, and respectful of my privacy.  That's how to be a good, non-assholey human being.

Many civilians probably end up finding someone in porn whom they've known in another context.  Not all of them are as cool about it as my ex-neighbor, though.

Over the years, I've "reconnected" with a lot of people through my site.  I've had emails sent by acquaintances from my youth, former boyfriends, an old employer, people I once met at parties, etc.  (I've received an equal number of emails from people I've never known who insist they've met me, like a guy working in a German hostel who was so excited I was staying there.  I have never been to Germany!)  Honestly, most of these emails get ignored, even if they're not rude.  I just feel as though so much time has passed since I last saw the person, and that there's probably a reason we didn't stay connected in the first place, even if only because we have nothing in common.

A shining failstar came from a boy I knew in grade school.  He was a bully.

"Dear [my name], this is [his name, spelled incorrectly], god you look good if you are ever in town to [hometown] give me a call and maybe we could fuck, i am married to a bisexual chick that would love to watch me fuck your hairy twat.  I know that we were enemies in grade school but we should see each other again, preferiably in our birthday suits, I love your hairy cunt and would love to here from you at [his email address], please write me back.

Yours truely [his name, spelled correctly this time]"

Yeah, I'll get right on that. I totally got into porn so I could fuck the people who picked on me when I was a kid.

Remember, normals: someone is not all of a sudden a radically different person (or a non-person) because you just discovered they're a sex worker.  Finding out that someone is involved in the adult industry does not give you permission to act like an idiot, or assume that they would be thrilled at the chance to give you some freebies.  You'd think this would go without saying, but I've seen too many ungracious oddballs who did not come with this lesson pre-installed.

This advice also counts for meeting new people who reveal that they're sex workers.  Don't suddenly switch out from whatever smalltalk thing you had been chatting about to ask her for a demo of her cock-sucking skills, or nonchallantly ask if she was raped as a child- as though that's any of your business.

As with all things in life: be the good neighbor, not the horny bully.





7 Comments »

  1. I know this is an old post, but I gotta say - you (well, probably not you, but other people) would be surprised at how often people think they ought to get freebies from skilled workers of any type. I'm on the verge of getting my LMT, and people always seem to think I'm just dying to get my hands on them and give them a free massage. My cousin is an electrician, and people are always asking him to do work for free. Another cousin is a hair dresser, and people always want free haircuts. Hell, we all get this from family (though that's its own can of worms and angst).

    But we all worked hard to learn our skills, practice what we learned and be damn good at it - much like you and your website. The assumption that any of us would want to give away to some jackass what we worked hard to learn/make/do is insulting and irritating, no matter what the business.

    Comment by Wendy Blackheart — May 13, 2010 @ 6:45 pm

  2. I generally can't see why people act different around sex workers at all. I used to tell co-workers and acquaintances about being in the porno I was in without even thinking about it, and they always freaked out like it was some big deal. Usually the assumption was that I was a sex addicted pervert or something.

    If I respond differently to sex workers than I do others, it's in a positive light, much in the way I feel about artists and outsiders. I don't assume we're similar at all, but I feel a vague aesthetic kinship at least.

    And also, bullies fucking suck. I still get pissed of about some of the shit that happened to me in school.

    Comment by Royce Icon — July 5, 2010 @ 2:14 am

  3. Royce: Yeah, it was definitely a shocker to have a grade school bully assume I'd fuck him since he found out I make porn. Um, no, dude.

    Comment by Furry Girl — July 5, 2010 @ 3:25 pm

  4. Jeez. And if it couldn't be bad enough just by the message content itself, it's made worse by the fact that the incorrect spelling of his own name is at the header, and not the footer, of the message.

    Wow.

    Comment by nico — July 19, 2010 @ 10:43 am

  5. Yuck. Did the doofus cc: his wife, at least? :P

    Comment by Mike Gogulski — October 14, 2011 @ 2:57 pm

  6. Mike: No. And I'd guess she probably wouldn't have been game for it anyway.

    Comment by Furry Girl — November 8, 2011 @ 2:50 pm

  7. Comment by Trackbacks — February 5, 2012 @ 1:41 am

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Comment policy for Feminisnt: I do not publish blatant insults and trolling. You must use a name/handle other than anonymous or asdf because I am tired of giving space to detractors who are too lazy to pick a fake handle and too scared to use a real one. I no longer publish comments bitching at me about how feminism is the greatest thing ever. And I may not publish your comment if I have already addressed that specific issue several times already. Read my responses to other comments before asking a new question. Finally, if your comment hinges on an obvious logical fallacy, I might not publish that, either, except to make fun of you. All new commentors have their first comment held for moderation. Commenting on my blog and taking up space on my server is a privilege, not a right.

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